Project ASS14 Part 1: Know Your Enemy

Look at this guy. Why does he have a doge sticker on his window? Why is his car number 86? What is up with that fake carbon fiber hood? What's with those dented front fenders?

Doesn't that make you want to teach him a lesson?

That was the motivation behind the ASS14.  To beat an over-modded car with pure driver skill.

If this was your typical Corolla, there would be no challenge for us. Unfortunately, this car has a stupid Initial D Takumi-spec 4AGE 20V blacktop along with several other questionable mods like fake BRIDE seats and a vinyl-wrapped hood to give it a CF look, but with none of the weight savings. This puts his motor at about 160+ hp and 120 lb/ft torque in a 2300 lbs. car. Not only that, due to guidance from Filipino Uncle, he now has race pads and proper sticky tires.... and an actual vented CF hood waiting to be installed!

The 400+ lbs. advantage is huge, but we will prevail...

Project ASS14 Part 2: ... $30 short shifter... polished headlights... and Kouki Taillights?

Despite several shareholder meetings where it was decided that tires, LSD, and brake pads would be first priority, James Racing has decided to ignore the majority shareholders' wishes (much like Steve Jobs) and do useless things like polish the headlamps and buy mismatched 2nd gen tail lights.

A $30 short shifter from eBay was purchased because why not. Anyone who has used the shifter in an S14 knows its like driving a truck. The new short shifter feels like it was made from $10 worth of crap. In comparison, a B&M short shifter cost $250 and Mr C's shifter was $300 about 16 years ago.

WIth only 3 weeks left until Thunderhill, AMGesus and Filipino Uncle are now nervous about their investment, as James Racing/James Chounuts has yet to demo a working track car capable of beating a Geo Metro. Talks of voting James Chounuts off the board are happening in order to put this project back on track.

Project ASS14 Part 3: Chounuts don't give a shit

With only 2 weeks left before the race of the millenium, you would think Chounuts would man up and finish the car. Of course not, this is James we're talking about here. AMGesus put up the funds to purchase a set of cheap track wheels, expecting to see progress. Instead, what he got was pictures of Chounuts spending the wheel funds on oysters instead:

"Not gonna lie. Oyster isn't so bad."

Yeah, no shit. Now get back to the task at hand!!!! 

Chounuts, tempted by the shady Asian people telling him he was getting a great deal, ended up spending money on useless wheels like Altima wheels and a pair of AVS Model 6 painted black:

No ! No! NOnonon1oo!!!!n NOO!!!!!!! What are you doing??!!!! With Series A funding almost depleted, AMGesus and Filipino Uncle held an emergency meeting to talk lay-offs.

Project ASS14 Part 4: Back on track

With Series A funding nearly depleted, something had to be done to put this project back on track. AMGesus decided that the best solution would be to exploit Chounut's greatest weakness: Bitches.

So amidst casual conversation, AMGesus mentioned that he heard from a friend that "bitches get really wet if they know you bought knockoff SSR Professsors from Indian dudes."

Chounuts, being the naive simpleton he is, believed this word for word and ended up buying knockoff wheels from an Indian dude:

Now with only 1 weekend left, James must mount tires and get an alignment to defeat Curtis. The ASS14 is missing an LSD, brake pads, and seat rails, but there really isn't any choice but to battle Cuntis with a huge handicap.

Project ASS14 Part 5: It Lives!

Let the pictures do the talking:

Initial tuning sessions indicate a 64% chance that Cuntis will lose. There should be enough grip and just enough power to destroy him, but with glazed rotors and a fragile cooling system, disaster is bound to strike.

We IPO'd! Curtis Defeated!

James wins!!! Curtis loses!!!! What an upset!

Results here

At the last minute, James installed a VLSD and tried to get Stoptech pads, but the pads ended up not fitting and he ended up getting cheap pads from Winchester Auto. Armed with only suspension, tires, and an old shitty VLSD, James somehow managed to win by 1+ second.

Watch James go crazy here:

https://youtu.be/B9hu7ue56FM?t=262 (this is a 360 video so use the mouse to move the camera around)